Forgiveness

I was reading this post from the Free People Blog the other day, all about how forgiveness is a great act of kindness and it got me thinking about the word, as well as the power it can have.

I am a firm believer in forgiveness; but, not for anyone other than myself. 

Selfish, right?

Wrong. It’s just being kind to yourself.

(Now, just as a side note, I’m not talking about forgiveness when it comes to saying sorry after you accidentally on purpose ate the last Domino’s cookie. I’m on about the big stuff. The stuff that has an impact in your life; that sticks with you for years and you’ll never forget)

A few years back, when I was at my worst mental health wise, I hoarded all the feelings I had to every negative experience I’d ever gone through. All the hate, the guilt, the anger, the regret. You name it, I felt it. Then, one day, I just decided that it just didn’t matter anymore; that it wasn’t worth all the time I’d been spending thinking about it. That was, like, the best day of my life.

Ever since that day, it feels like a weight has been lifted. The weight that was crushing my soul and, to be honest, feeding my depression more than any other trigger in my life.

The thing about things that have happened in the past are, they are exactly that, in. the. past. There is nothing that I, or anyone else can do about them – brutally put, you’ve just gotta suck it up and move on. So, by forgiving the people that had wronged me, I was able to let it go, releasing the emotions I was harbouring and setting them free to taunt someone else.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s easier said than done and there’s a lot to say about the journey to acceptance (I stress acceptance and not understanding  – some things I will never understand!). It makes you stronger, reminds you of the person you want to be, as well as teaching you how to use the experience in a positive way later in your life. For me, all the tough experience I’ve been through have made me the person I am (a much better one than I used to be); I’m stronger, I’ve learnt to love life more and I’ve managed to come out the side more rockin’ than ever before.

So, next time you’re getting ready to forgive, ask yourself this: do you mean it, is it for you and have you actually accepted what has happened? If the answer is no, then you’re not ready to offer your forgiveness and that’s okay. It should be for you, as a way to be kinder to yourself and to help you move forward.

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  • Laura Dove

    I totally agree with this. I think sometimes we feel forced into forgiveness when actually we just aren’t read. Forgiveness has to be genuine or it means nothing.

    • allmajwrote

      Definitely! It does nothing for us if we don’t mean it and actually we just have to start again!

    • Maj

      Definitely! Couldn’t agree more! x

  • Little Steps

    It’s always hard to forgive especially when you’ve been really wronged and hurt badly in the past. I’m slowly trying to let go too, especially since they are such a burden to carry … isn’t it?

    • allmajwrote

      It is always a burden to carry, especially when it’s not your fault!

    • Maj

      I think letting go is the important bit – the guilt of it eats us alive!

  • Joanna

    It can be so hard to forgive sometimes and so in order to forgive someone u need to make sure u really do mean it genuinely

    • allmajwrote

      Definitely! Or there is no point! x

    • Maj

      Definitely! If you don’t mean it and aren’t ready to let go, there’s no point!

  • I find it hard to forgive others especially when they are in the wrong, but times is a great healer usually

    • allmajwrote

      It is really hard but, sadly, I don’t think we’ll get closure if we don’t!

    • Maj

      Time is definitely a great healer!

  • Kira

    I find it so hard to forgive others , I think it depends on what the situation is and what they have done x

    • allmajwrote

      Oh yes! It’s DEFINITELY situation dependant! Some things are easier than others… x

    • Maj

      Definitely dependent. Just because I forgive, doesn’t mean I forget either!

  • Lauren Porter

    You’re so right – sometimes we just aren’t ready to forgive. Time, for me, is the most important thing x

    • allmajwrote

      Definitely – time is a great healer too!

    • Maj

      Time is SO important!!

  • Baby Isabella

    My mummy needs to be more gentle on herself and more forgiving. It’s not selfish its just self care x Forgiving people can be hard sometimes x

    • allmajwrote

      It is one of the hardest things we can do but SO good when we finally can! x

    • Maj

      It is tricky, but letting go is the best gift we can give ourself sometimes! x

  • I think some things can never be forgiven but that doesn’t mean you can’t move on

    • allmajwrote

      I can understand that!

    • Maj

      I think letting go helps a lot, yknow?

  • Karen Gough

    I agree with everyone else, forgiveness takes time but like the saying goes you can forgive but never forget

    • allmajwrote

      Definitely never forget!

    • Maj

      I very rarely forget! x

  • Anosa Malanga VA

    I guess when you forgive, you should not force yourself. I still believe that time heals it.

    • Maj

      Time is a great healer!

  • Clair

    I think time plays a part in forgiveness. I can never forgot either so I usually struggle getting over things!

    • Maj

      Definitely, I never forget! x