As I fluctuate in and out of ‘down days’ I become more and more reflective.
What do I like in my life?
What do I want to change?
Who do I want rid of?
How am I going to get better?
You know, the usual relentless drivel your brain makes you listen to when you’re anxious or depressed or just having a bad day cuz, gurl, you ain’t never allowed 5 minutes peace.
However, on rare occasions, such like the ones today, the relentless drivel my brain actually comes up with is semi useful. As I come out of melt downs, I start to see what’s going on from other points of views. Dare I say it, I start to be quite reflective or constructive about what’s happened to get me into that state in the first place.
This time, I decided I could make three changes tomorrow in order to, hopefully, have a better tomorrow:
So, to say I’ve put on weight the past few months is an understatement… It didn’t bother me at first – the odd pound here, the other pound there. If I put weight on, it all goes to my stomach and hips, an area of my body that is probably where I’m the most conscious at the best of times.
When I was back at my parents a few weeks ago, I stood on the scales. It was a bad move initially, but probably what I needed to finally make the move. It turns out I’ve put on nearly a stone since Christmas… and that was before I went on the all inclusive holiday to Ibiza – my bad?
Now I’m back to work for a new academic year and what better time than any to make a few changes? The usual things: healthier break time snacks, more fruit, less raiding the cakes on the staffroom table – maybe I’ll even join the gym again, cuz 1 game of netball a week is definitely not enough keep my booty in shape.
I’ve talked before about the importance of a social media detox – something I still feel quite strongly about. Although I’m good at taking long periods away from social media platforms, I’m not as good at taking time away from my phone and seeing what else there is around me to do.
When I was at my parents house the other week, I took the opportunity to leave my phone upstairs while I was pottering around the house. It felt really different to just leaving me phone in my room in the flat, though I have no idea why. BUT, the point I’m trying to make is that I did it and, do you know what, I felt so much better for doing so.
It might only have been for an hour or several, but it was amazing not constantly scrolling through thousands of social media feeds. And, do you know what? I didn’t even miss it.
So, from now on, I’m going to try and have more phone free evenings. I’m quite good at being phone free during the day, as I have very limited time to look at my phone. In fact, a few days I forgot to even bring it to work and I felt so good at the end of the day.
I think it will be harder than when I was at my parents cuz, yknow, walking up a whole flight of stairs is effort but I’m definitely going to give it a go. Imagine all the things you can do in an evening if you’re not constantly refreshing Twitter…
When it comes to helping people, I am your gal. I will help anyone and everyone, no matter what time of day it is or what the task at hand may be. However, sometimes I feel like people are taking advantage of this.
Sometimes, I need to remember that I work hard. I work double the amount of hours that I’m payed for on a weekly basis (I’m not moaning, just saying) and sometimes this is down to just not being able to say no. I just feel guilty if I don’t agree to the things I’m asked to do and, on the off chance I have said no, I can’t stop feeling that the other person must hate me because I’ve decided to think about myself for a change.
So, with the new academic year approaching, I decided I’d make a vow to be a little more selfish.
I’m not saying I won’t do things for other people and, to be honest, I’ll probably still be saying yes more than I’ll be saying no. However, I’ll be making an effort to remember myself and how I’m feeling a little bit more.
Instead of saying yes and completing the job right then, putting all my other needs or jobs aside, I’ll be trying to prioritise a little more and letting people know it might take a day or two, depending on what my schedule is like.
I’ve come to realise that being selfish isn’t a bad thing, in fact it’s an incredibly positive thing if done in the right way, of course. I see myself as one of the least selfish people on this planet – I rarely think of myself first and often find myself doing things that others will benefit from way before I will – but I’ve gotta look after myself a little bit more.
Turns out, my own needs and wants are important too. It doesn’t make me a bad person, just a little bit more human.
btw. – I took these little gems of photos back in 2015 and still love them. I had shorter hair, that was PINK(!!!) and I can’t help but swoon over it. They’re pretty rad, right?
Yo, & welcome to That's All Maj Wrote. A blog that's all about stripping back to what's important in life - writing & feeling good. It could all go tits up, but what's new?
By day, I'm a crime fighting primary teacher; by night, I'm a TV binger, prolific reader and Kit Kat Chunky eater.